Trauma, Fears and Panic
God is a comedian playing to an audience
too afraid to laugh.
Voltaire
It may have been an illness, or some other formative event.
For many it may have been something small which they repressed and hid away.
For others, however, it pursues them: in the form of dreams, sudden panic attacks, and a constant, growing, subtle fear.
Suddenly, you feel it: panic.
It comes without fail and always at the least opportune moment.
There is no way of escaping it or talking your way out of it – the doors, metaphorically, remain closed.
It’s there and everybody can see it – everybody.
Something weighs on you; the feeling of not being able to endure, or of being an imposition.
Other people, especially strangers, cause you to worry or feel afraid.
It’s better to just stay inside at home, in between your own walls: where you're not bothering anybody.
How would you want to die – what would you look back on?
Would you want to put it off for a couple of days or weeks? Would you want things to be different?
Or is there nothing you’d regret? Maybe you’d be ready to give it all up today?
One thing is clear: You are going to die – that is the cost of being born.
